Women Who Inspire Me: Melessa Bowey

Mar 31

Finding her laughter again. Melessa’s story of redefining being of service to others and creating a legacy of joy.

We have this sign in our kitchen. It says, “In this kitchen we dance”. I remember seeing it as I was walking down the store aisle. I picked it up and immediately put it in my cart. I knew this was what I wanted to create in my new home. A place where we could all be together and show up as every part of ourselves. It now lives on our kitchen counter, right where I can see it as I am preparing dinner or snacks or baking until my heart is content.

It reminds me of the time my boys planned the most epic glow-in-the-dark dance party right in our kitchen. I could overhear my boys scheming together on one drive home from school pick up. As I listened in, they were talking about what would make this dance party the best one yet. I had to laugh to myself as they decided between holding it indoors or outdoors. They acknowledged that it was very dark out once the sun went down, which was good for the most effective glow-in-the-dark party, but it was cold out, with over 3 feet of snow outside.

I made mental notes to myself of what they were saying would make this the most epic dance party, and the next day, after school drop off, I made a special trip to the Dollarama. I collected the glow sticks and decided that this party wouldn’t be complete without popcorn and candy.

As I picked them up from school later that day, I couldn’t help but smile to myself because I knew that this was going to be a moment we were all going to remember for a long time. After dinner, the sun had set, and it was time.

I pulled out the glow sticks and hit play on ‘Come and Get Your Love’ by Redbone, and we danced. We danced, and we laughed, and we took turns showing off our best moves, and with some persuasion of popcorn and candy, we turned on a movie and had a family night. Tucked in on the couch, cozy under the fuzzy blankets. It was wonderful. They still talk about that night to this day, and I couldn’t be happier.

Because I know that no matter what happens, I want my kids to feel like they can come home and dance with me in the kitchen. That they can count on me to be goofy with them, that they can talk with me about anything without judgment, and that they can cry on my shoulder when life feels overwhelming.

As I sat down with the incredible Melessa, she shared with me those very same moments. Of creating a legacy of joyful, and happy memories where her family comes together and laughs. Where her kids get to see her creating a life she loves, and where she can help them pivot when things aren’t working out the way they thought they would, and knowing that it’s never too late to make a change in your life.

I am so appreciative of Melessa taking the time to talk to me. To share her story of what it was like following an accepted path, doing work that she loved as a Social Worker, but like so many of us, finding that what was expected of her was unsustainable long-term.

This is Melessa’s story.

Can you share a bit about your journey, the path that led you to where you are today, and the moment that really changed things for you?

I've had quite the life, but I'll take you back to March 3rd of 2022.

That's when I was forced off of work to go in for a full right hip replacement. Going into that surgery, I had the mindset of, “Ok, great, I'm going to have this surgery. I'm so thankful.”

I was really looking forward to having the surgery done because it meant that I would have a full 12 weeks off, no questions asked, and I could rest.

I literally felt like I can finally rest.

At the same time, I had it in my mind that I really needed to hurry up and heal so that I could quickly get back to work. I thought that was what was expected of me, because even though I was allowing myself to heal, I felt this pressure of hurry up and get better. Everyone around me would check in on me, asking me how I was doing, and it was always followed by them asking, “When are you going back to work?”

People mean well, but by them asking this seemingly innocent question, I had the thought that I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to. Or that healing shouldn’t be the priority.

It began to feel like resting was a luxury.

The people around me, including myself, weren’t used to seeing me like this, because I'm a person who is a doer, a goer, and I get stuff done quickly. As the weeks went on, I felt as if I needed to get back to my usual productivity.

But my healing journey did not go as I expected it to. When my initial return to work day came, June 15th, I was not able to return to work. I remember I was still in a lot of pain where I couldn't sit, I couldn't walk, and I wasn't getting any sleep.

I was still angry and frustrated after the 12 weeks had passed by, because I really wanted to go back to work (or so I thought I should be going back to work at this time).

Shortly after, I found out that I needed to go for a second surgery to get a spinal fusion done.

When I think back to that time in my life, I always think of my beautiful scar, because it reminds me every day just how precious my life is.

Even before my first surgery, I was experiencing these major headaches, dizzy spells, and the doctors would say to me that I had vertigo, but then my arm would go numb. Similar to when you sleep on it, and you get that major tingling that runs throughout your arm. It was extreme, though. I felt it all the time, and no matter what I tried, it would not go away.

I literally thought that I was sleeping wrong and that’s what was causing the numbness.

It was my husband who really pushed and challenged the vertigo diagnosis, and asked that I go for more testing to get to the root of all the symptoms I was experiencing. So I went for X-rays and an MRI.

What it turned out to be is that I had so much pressure on my spinal cord and the nerves in my arm that I was actually losing function in my arm. To the point where I couldn't do my hair, I couldn't hold a water bottle, and I couldn't hold a pen to write.

That August, so five months after my right hip replacement, they said to me, “Melessa, you have to have the surgery.”

I remember saying, “Absolutely not, I'm still in a lot of pain, I'm still recovering.” I flat out said, “No, I’m not having the surgery”.

But what really changed everything for me was when he said, “Melessa, it's non-negotiable, you have to have the surgery.” He explained that if I were to get seriously hurt or injured, like if I were to fall down, get in a car accident, or be pushed. Whatever it may be, I could die or become paralyzed.

When I heard that, it felt like someone had shaken me violently. I had a realization right in that moment of how precious life is, and how tomorrow's not promised to any of us.

I started asking myself, “Why am I living my life so tired, so stressed, and so overwhelmed. I was at a place where I was truly hating life because all I did was work.

I would be spending most days working all of these long hours. I was never home, and when I was home, I wasn’t fully present. I would be sitting at the kitchen table or locked up in my bedroom, trying to catch up on case notes or court documents, so that I could be prepared for the next week.

Every night, I would collapse in bed. Get back up the next day, and go to work whether I felt good or not. I still went every day.

As I look back, I realized I was subconsciously telling and showing my family that work was more important than they were.

For example, I would come home and ask my kids and husband, “Hey, how was your day? What happened today?” and then I would sit beside them to listen.

Instead of listening, all I could see was their lips moving, but I couldn't hear anything they were saying. That's how checked out and emotionally drained I was.

Something else that hit me hard after hearing how serious it was that I went for this surgery was that even though I was working so hard each and every day, if I were to pass away, I wouldn't have anything significant to leave behind for my kids to make sure that they were taken care of.

The reason why that reality hit me so hard was that when I was 20, my mother died unexpectedly. She worked hard during her life, but she left behind her debt. At 20 years old, I was having to take her death certificate, photocopy it, and mail it out to all the debt collectors to prove that she had passed on. Literally, I was having fights on the phone with debt collectors who were pretty much telling me I was a liar.

Even though I was doing all the right things, and everyone would say to me, “Oh, you have a good job, you're doing so well.” The reality was that I was tired, stressed, overwhelmed, hating life, never home, and I couldn't leave anything behind for my family.

When you're living in that two-week to two-week pay period, you don't have the opportunity to make any more money. So, sure, it looks great on paper, but when it comes to living it, it wasn’t sustainable for a healthy and joyful life.

Having to take time off from work and getting two back-to-back surgeries was my reality check to take a closer look at how I was choosing to live my life. I felt like the universe punched me in the face and kicked me in the ass and knocked me down in order for me to understand that I had to make a change.

What’s something you’ve learned along the way that you wish every woman knew, or a mindset, tool, or practice that’s helped you step into your full potential?

One key element is that I wish I had listened to myself sooner. As women, we know long before that crash is going to happen. Mine was in 2019, just a few years before my surgeries. I knew I needed to change my situation. I just didn't know how to or where to go to make the changes.

Plus all the expectations that people and society put on us. Not to mention the pressure that comes from within ourselves. For me, I was scared to say out loud that what I'm doing is not working for me. I spent all that time, effort, energy and money into going to school and getting my education, but I was too scared to say out loud that it wasn't working anymore. And so I just wish I had honoured those thoughts and feelings in 2019, right in the beginning.

Because I found myself in this place in my life where I truly didn't have fun. I had forgotten the sound of my own laughter.

I remember when I first started to laugh, I'd think to myself, “Oh, is that what I sound like?”

When you started to hear yourself laugh again and you started to have more fun, how did that change how you showed up in your life?

Oh, my goodness, it was difficult at first. What helped me was that I had to give myself back the permission to rest, to relax, to find my joy and my purpose again.

And that was the key: to give myself permission, and that was hard for me to learn.

I can so easily show kindness, respect, dignity, love, care, and all these things to other people without even a second thought. But when it came to me, I wasn’t showing that same love to myself, and I needed to start showing that same care towards myself to really make the changes I wanted to see in my life.

I had to move away from caring for everyone else first because my cup was beyond empty. You couldn't get another drop out of it; there wasn’t anything left in there left to give.

Giving myself permission started with me focusing on my health and my happiness.

I realized that if I was in a place where I’m so tired and overwhelmed all the time. I was giving that same energy out to everyone else around me, and they weren’t getting the best version of me. I wanted to change that by filling my cup first and then serving those around me with the overflow.

I had realized that in my career working as a Social Worker, and for so many others who are in similar lines of work. We unknowingly hold the belief that service equals sacrifice. On my own healing journey, I had to redefine what service meant to me, and I decided that service does not equal sacrifice anymore.

Where I had to release the titles and labels I was holding onto, because I had thought that if I wasn't a social worker, I was useless, and I didn't have anything to add to the world.

I had to realize that I was not just those labels that society had put on me, but I was far more than that. That was an aha moment, where I was able to recognize that I was stopping myself and limiting what I could do in this world.

I eventually had to make the decision of whether to go back to my job and the old ways of doing things, or do I go down this new path. Where I can choose to put my happiness, health, and family first (who are my number one top priority).

I really struggled with that decision, because there was the expectation that I would go back to what I was doing before, even if it wasn’t working for me. Every time I had that conversation about going back and would set a new start date in my calendar, it would cause me so much anxiety. I would cry, I felt sick, and I just didn't feel good.

The Melessa I was in 2022 is not the Melessa that you see in front of you today. At that time, I was trying to put this new version of myself back into a box that I no longer fit in.

I had to be very honest about how I felt and voice it. I had to have those hard conversations.

One day, my husband and I were talking together, and he told me, “I honestly will support you no matter what, but I really worry about you going back to work, because you are a hard worker. You do all these things, and I'm scared that we will lose this Melessa that we have now.”

He continued to say, “I love my wife. No offence, I loved you before. But now, you're smiling, you're happy, we're dancing in the kitchen. Life is light and happy, whereas before, it wasn't, and I'm scared that you're going to be that Melessa again.”

I can't remember how it happened, but another conversation that happened around the same time was with my children. I was sitting with them, and they brought up those same concerns.

I remember saying to them, “Wait, did you talk to your dad? Because that's what dad said.”

They said to me, “We love this mom. She's here, she's present, she's listening to us, and she sees us. We go out, and we have fun."

Now I goof around, and if a song comes on, I'm that mom who's dancing away and doesn't care. I’m enjoying the moment.

A deep red quote graphic featuring Melessa Bowey saying, "Now I goof around, and if a song comes on, I'm that mom who's dancing away and doesn't care." The text describes how her husband joins her and how they laugh like little kids.

To get there, though, I had to shut off all the outside noise and really connect with myself. I had to start answering, what do I want? And how do I want to live? With the new understanding that tomorrow isn't promised, and I wasn’t going to take my life, my health or my family for granted anymore.

It's almost like having a second chance. Do I take that second chance and do something wonderful with it, or do I pretend it didn't happen and go back to an old version of myself?

Katie Eberman: As you were speaking, I was just thinking that's your legacy. You're creating really happy, fun memories with your family.

Melessa Bowey: Yes, and by me feeling lighter and goofier, I see the ripple effect in my family. My husband now joins me in dancing. We just laugh like little kids. It's crazy how much more connected we are.

It showed me that, as you do the work for yourself, the people around you will see what you are doing, and they will have the choice to come with you or not, but more often than not, they will naturally join you.

Where are you now? Did you end up going back into Social Work?

I found an online business that allowed me to dream again. Where I could put my health, happiness, and my family first, where I didn’t have a capped income, and I went into entrepreneurship.

The company that I paired up with is Enagic, which sells medical-grade water ionizers for drinking water. It's a company whose mission I really connected with because they help families get back together. Their focus is on building your mental, physical and financial well-being to where you are able to live a relaxed, free, happy and joyful life.

I also really connected with this company because of the connection with my heritage of being indigenous. Where water is sacred to us. It's the most precious resource out there, and our body's foundation is water.

Once I realized that water is not all created equal and that we really need to understand our water and our water source, I got the product for myself to use in my life. At that time, I wasn't even looking at the business. I just wanted the product and saw how much it helped me.

When I started looking at the business side, I loved that the family that owns the company tries to take away all barriers for people to start. When you buy the products for yourself and your family, you have this pretty much ready-made business, where you share the products and opportunity with others and build a solid foundation that can change your life in so many ways.

If you sign up on my website, there is a video that breaks down the products, the health benefits, the company, the company's mission and the business aspect for how you can build your business. It will get you to a place where it will literally pay you for the rest of your life, whether you work on your business or not.

I also love how they bring building a legacy into the business, where you can will it to your children and grandchildren for generations to come. As you help others, grow your business, there are bonuses, and it's amazing. When I heard Mr. Oshiro say at a conference that his mission in life is to help as many families as he can to get back together and to create as many millionaires as he can in this world, I just thought, I'm home.

In my own journey, everything that I'm asking for is right here. I’ve had to adjust what is expected from me, and I’ve always been willing to do the work it takes. I embraced getting out of my comfort zone and started being comfortable with being uncomfortable, and welcomed the growth.

It's also helped me understand that I am so much more than that job; I can do so much more. I see so many people in my same situation, and I share my story because I truly want them to know that there is something else out there for them, and that they aren't stuck.

If I can do it, they can do it.

What I love about this business is that it's not all, be all, end all. So many people come in, but then they branch off and start other businesses and go on to do other things. It becomes the foundation to help you dream and think bigger. Once you start doing that, you start to see, "Oh, now I can do this, or I can do that.” With that at the core, the money flows in just by helping others live a happier, more aligned life.

That's why I got into the business, and that's why I love it. And now I'm starting to do other things and look at other, you know, ways that I can help the world in different, more impactful ways.

Katie Eberman: I love how your story now is about how there are these different parts of you, that you're not just one thing. I think that's just such a beautiful thing to share and have other women hear. Oftentimes, we do get stuck thinking that we are one identity, that's who we are, and we're nothing else.

When women read your story, what do you hope they walk away feeling or believing about themselves?

I want women to walk away believing that they're not stuck, that their story isn't over, and their dreams aren't too big or too late.

A maroon-colored inspirational quote by Melessa Bowey: "I want women to walk away believing that they're not stuck, that their story isn't over, and their dreams aren't too big or too late."

That was something I thought. Maybe I was too late, in age and time, but I learned that is so untrue.

You're never too late.

That we have everything inside of us that we need.

We need to ignite our own inner flame to bring those dreams and hopes to life.

If my journey can remind even one woman that she is worthy of rest, joy and purpose, and that at any point that she can rewrite her story.

I have done it. And so too have many other women, and so can you.

Here’s how you can connect with Melessa:

Website |Facebook

A quote graphic for the Women Who Inspire Me series where Melessa Bowey talks about igniting your inner flame and reminding women they are worthy of rest, joy, and purpose, and can rewrite their story at any point.